Relationships can often face challenges, with moments where one might question their partner's level of investment. A simple yet revealing theory known as the "bird test" has gained popularity on social media platforms like TikTok as a means to gauge a partner’s engagement in the relationship. According to the Daily Mail, this approach, rooted in scientific research, offers insight into how connected a couple may be.
The bird test involves pointing to something nearby and saying, "Look at that bird!"—regardless of whether there is an actual bird present. The crucial aspect lies in the partner’s response, which typically falls into one of three categories: turning towards the person to see what they are pointing at, turning away with a non-committal grunt, or not responding at all. A partner who engages by looking or showing interest is considered to demonstrate a positive sign of connection, whereas indifferent or absent responses may suggest a lack of engagement.
This test is linked to the theory of "Bids for Connection," developed by the Gottman Institute, a research-based organisation founded by Dr John and Dr Julie Gottman. Their studies, notably following newlywed couples for six years, revealed that couples who remain married generally respond positively to each other's bids for connection 86 per cent of the time, compared to 33 per cent among those who later divorced. Bids for connection include any attempt by one partner to seek attention, affirmation, or affection—ranging from a smile to a direct request such as "Look at that bird."
The Gottman Institute explains that responding positively to these bids reassures partners of commitment and strengthens the relationship. Conversely, missing or turning away from a bid can be more destructive than outright rejection, as it risks driving the partner to seek connection elsewhere.
In response to the bird test trend on TikTok, Dr John and Dr Julie Gottman described it as a "brilliant" illustration of their Bids for Connection theory. Dr Julie noted that partners do not need to respond with enthusiasm or elaborate interest, saying, "All you need is, 'Oh wow, that's cool'. That's turning toward, that's all you have to do."
As the bird test continues to be shared online, many couples have embraced it as a light-hearted way to assess relational connection, with some even sharing joyful moments when partners eagerly look for imaginary birds. The test offers a simple yet research-supported method to observe how partners engage with each other’s attempts at connection in everyday life.
Source: Noah Wire Services